The Written Selfie: The Beginning

Selfie 1

I am starting a new blog/writing project...

Let me begin by illustrating a problem for you. I am a person of faith, and as apart of my usual services there is a Sunday set apart every month for people to publicly testify and talk about their convictions. It is an open space to talk about God, your family, anything hard stuff you are going throug. I have been going to meetings like this my entire life. They are sacred, personal, and highly emotional for those involved. Usually one of the few places you will see a series of men crying. But I find myself hesitating on these Sundays, not from a lack of faith, and not from a fear of public speaking. But from being seen emotionally, from being vulnerable. 

 This is just one example of many. I am by no means a shy person. I am sure I have plenty of friends who know me either from years of being friends, or from whatever I share on  the internet. 

I am also very aware of the social dynamic that the internet feeds us.  I know so many people without actually knowing them.  The internet has provided so much knowledge, but little in the way of truth.  I mean, I know that a Buzzfeed quiz on which sandwich represents my struggle as a 20-something is not a bold face lie, but it tells me so little about the people in my life. 

 But when that shallow feeling moves from the kid you knew in middle school to your self, we have a problem. 

 For months I have been stuffed up emotionally, creatively, and at times spiritually.   I am back logged and the dam is going to break soon. 

 So, the purpose of this blog is to have a disciplined way of putting ideas into firm thoughts. It is to get to know myself. A journal, that is more than a recount of my day but more on a how to approach life. How I will being going about that is still in the works. 

Frankly, this is a creative exercise and I am not sure it will always look or sound good. But it will be me. But do not be confused, this is not will a 20-something stream of consciousness on loneliness, Netflix, or pizza. 

 Even though those are all aspects of my life, especially pizza. 

 You will get to know parts of me that I don't usually talk about. But I am not dishing out juicy secrets about failed relationships and childhood traumas. 

 The purpose of this blog, can be summed up in this quote by Susan Sontag "Words have their own firmness. The word on the page may not reveal (may conceal) the flabbiness of the mind that conceived it. All thoughts are upgrades — get more clarity, definition, authority, by being in print — that is, detached from the person who thinks them." Susan Sontag, (8/20/64). 

 I do not know myself like I should and I would not be able to express to you who I am even if I did. So this space in this blog is going to try and do that. 

 - Candice